Why Do I Feel Behind in Life? Anxiety, Comparison, and Young Professionals in Atlanta
As a therapist who works with many young professionals near Midtown, Virginia Highland, and Old Fourth Ward, I have noticed that many of my clients feel behind in life. This experience makes sense given the neighborhood’s highly competitive professional context that easily lends itself to comparison.
In this article, I’ll explore four factors that contribute to feeling behind and begin to carve out a path forward that will help you to actually take steps closer to the person you desire to be.
Four Factors That Contribute to Feeling Behind
You compare you your story to someone else’s. If we ever find ourselves feeling behind, we are also making a statement about our current circumstances vs what we think they “should be”. In other words, when you feel behind you are comparing your story to someone else’s. While comparison is a normal and sometimes adaptive human behavior, it can disconnect us from our own stories and journeys of growth if left unexamined.
You mistake uncertainty for failure. Young adulthood is full of uncertainties, and yet many of us feel like we are behind because we don’t have it all figured out. Just because we don’t know how something will turn out in doesn’t mean that we’re falling behind; it may simply mean we’re in the middle of becoming something we can’t fully see yet.
Your accomplishments don’t feel like enough. If you are behind, where is the finish line for finally feeling caught up? We can become so focused on the milestone that we forget to recognize how far we’ve already come. Our desire for achievement can be insatiable when is largely driven by shame, fear, and comparison.
You’re measuring yourself against the wrong things. When we measure our lives against some else’s timeline, we can overlook the things that actually matter and cultivate true contentment: growth, character, meaningful relationships and becoming more of the person we want to be.
A More Sustainable Metric
Instead of falling into the trap of comparison, refocus your attention back to your own path and story. While working towards external achievements can still be worthwhile, you are much more likely to get there if you engage your own story and become more curious about what gets in the way of you being the person you want to be. Your measuring stick of success can begin to shift from what you achieved to showing up to your life with more integrity, freedom, and authenticity.
If you are tired of comparing yourself to others and feeling behind, reach out to me so that we can begin the work of growing and healing and leave behind the pattern of endless striving, shaming, and worrying.
